Sometimes Our Blessings Are Packaged Differently Than We Expect

Before I had my first symptoms of pain, weakness, and disabling fatigue; I was fortunate to be living in a body that I loved, a body that I was proud to have. I was five foot nine with the measurements of 36-26-38 (in my book…perfect). I didn't understand how people allowed themselves to become overweight. I thought of them as weak and not caring enough about themselves. I knew I would never allow myself to be overweight. I loved working out. If I noticed my clothes feeling a little tight then I would curb out all sweets, be cautious of fats, and mainly be on a liquid diet for a couple days. I was fortunate in that would be all it would take until my clothes were fitting properly again.

This all began to change in 1995 as I suddenly gained thirty pounds in one month. Being concerned that I was still exercising regularly and hadn't changed any of my eating habits, I made a doctor's appointment. Immediately upon looking at my charts I was scolded for gaining so much weight since my last visit. I informed my doctor that was why I was there; I too was concerned about the drastic weight gain that came about so quickly. He immediately decided I was depressed and that was why I was gaining weight.

I said, "No, I'm not gaining weight because I'm depressed. But I AM depressed because I'm gaining weight!" Unfortunately, I wasn't able to convince my doctor other wise.

From there my health began to deteriorate and I soon went from doctor to doctor trying to figure out:

• Why, as someone who worked out regurlarly and was a certified aerobics instructor, had I gained so much weight?
  
• Why had I become so weak that somedays my purse would feel too heavy to lift?
  
• Why even after sleeping well all night was I constantly feeling like I needed more sleep?
  

By early '96 I had already gained around fifty pounds and had gone up a few sizes in clothes. Something in the past that only occurred because I was growing, not because of weight gain. I was really embarrassed by it all. My students, not meaning to be mean, but knowing I was newly married would comment repeatedly that I was pregnant. Now I WAS DEPRESSED!!!

In February of 1996, I saw a specialist that diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and suggested I take medical leave for my chronic fatigue. Along with this new specialist came many prescriptions. I can't remember what all he had me taking, but I do remember having a difficult time swallowing the many pills he had me on each day, some being quite large (what I refer to as horse pills). The one medication, that I do remember being prescribed was steroids. This was my first encounter with the prescription that would have a profound effect on my life.

Through the years I have lost count of how many times I have been on steroids. Each time I have been on them, I have gained thirty to forty pounds with the inability to get them back off. The steroids would leave me in a sour mood. I couldn't even stand to be around myself. How my husband put up with me during my times of taking steroids, I don't know. I'm just thankful he did.

I would get so hot that it seemed impossible to be able to cool down. I carried instant cold packs around with me. I have them in the console of my car. I would carry one with me in my school bag. I would keep ice packs in the refrigerator of my classroom, as well as in my home, and in a cooler on long trips.

Steroids can cause someone that isn't a diabetic to have blood sugar problems similar to gestational diabetes. I started craving more and more sweets. Along with the craving for sweets became hunger that never seemed to go away.I would wake up in the middle of the night starving. The starving itslef would wake me! It wasn't like I woke up to go the bathroom and thought, "Hmm… I think I might get me a couple crackers before returning to bed". No! The hunger, hunger so extreme that I thought I would be sick if I didn't have something to eat immediately, would wake me. My body wanted more food than I was able to burn off.

Unfortunately, the side effects of steroids don't go away when a person stops taking them. I've heard others comment that the side effects they had from steroids lasted anywhere from months to years. I know for me, I haven't had any steroids in two years but only recently have I been able to tell that the ill effects of me taking them have dissipated. My blood sugar and blood pressure are no longer a problem.

How has me gaining 200 pounds (at my highest weight) been a blessing? I am sympathetic to others who are overweight. I now realize how difficult it is to lose weight. I realize that even if they aren't on medications that are making them swell to the point that they look like a blowfish (steroids), being overweight is difficult to live with. Deciding to not have something sweet and/or fatty to eat isn't as easy as saying no. It becomes an addiction that feels like it must be fulfilled. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Yesterday’s Worries Can Be Today’s Blessings

Yesterday and through out the night, I had been concerned with how I was going to be able to stomach the taste of liver broth. No longer is this an issue. No longer am I fretting over swalling the soup. I am now looking forward to finding a place that sells liver. Obviously my taste buds couldn't have changed in a matter of hours. No, instead my perspective has changed.

My doctor of traditional Chinese medicine noticed yesterday that I have a loss of pigment on my neck. Also, I had recently discussed with her my concern that my hair is losing its natural color at a much faster rate. I realize that I will get more grays as time goes on, but suddenly the grays have been mulitiplying at an avalanche pace. Having what I had told her about my hair (she isn't able to see the amount of gray I have because I try to keep them covered with coloring) and her visual observation about my skin, Dr. Liang told me that I wasn't getting enough copper and as mentioned in my previous post went on to tell me that I needed to drink liver and black bean soup.

Being a home economist I realize that any nutrient can be found in more than once source. I, also, know that the amount of the nutrient will vary in each source. I was pleased to find that there are several sources of copper, the nutrient that I have a deficiency in and thus need to add to my diet. Therefore, I began to research what sources contained copper. I wanted to find a more appealing way to get my source of copper. Although, I have found supplements for copper, nutrients are best absorbed by our bodies when we consume it through our diet. The fastest way for our bodies to absorb any nutrient is in liquid form; hence, the reasoning that Dr. Liang probably suggested that I cook the liver and beans to make a soup that I could drink.

While researching sources of copper, I was amazed to read that different ways that a copper deficiency can affect my health. One of the most appealing sources of copper is chocolate. One doctor, Dr. Wilson whose link I have attached to the bottom, theorized that a copper deficiency might be a reason for chocolate cravings. It definitely makes sense in my case, because I have been craving chocolate more and more lately. Copper can cause reproductive problems. Another ah ha moment, my husband and I have been married over fourteen years and still don't have children. I have suffered with painful ovarian cysts, sometimes having multiples at one time. Once I had two rupture the same day. I remember thinking as I suffered through that pain, that I couldn't ever imagine being strong enough to endure the pain that must come with childbirth. A lack of copper can cause depression; again something that I battle. Already, I can see that needing copper is more than me just having white spots from a loss of pigment. It is obvious that I need to add this to my diet. Then I came across what is the most exciting need for copper in our bodies…at least for me this is very exciting, because this may make a monumental difference in my life.

Our bodies need copper to repair myelin. Myelin is the fatty tissue that protects our nerve fibers. When myelin is damaged our nerves are exposed like wires that have lost their insulation from a severed cord. Once myelin is destroyed our nerves have a difficult time conducting properly…similar to a short caused by a wire being damaged. Myelin damage occurs during an MS attack. The ability for my body to repair myelin is crucial in the success of me winning the battle of multiple sclerosis. Liver is suddenly sounding delish!!!

Sources of copper (not any in certain order):

• enriched cereals such as Raisin Bran
  
• oysters
  
• clams
  
• cashews
  
• whole grain
  
• beans
  
• kidneys
  
• beef liver
  
• heart
  
• lobster
  
• scallops
  
• chocolate
  
• seeds
  
• drinking water from copper pipes (can cause a toxicity)
  
• cooking in copper cookware (also could cause a toxicity)
  

I'm attaching a link to a page that I found full of information about the importance of having the correct amount of copper in our bodies. http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/copper_toxicity_syndrome.htm

Saving My Life and Tax Dollars Too

It's hard to believe that I'm still using as much medication as I am each day…not that I'm not succeeding with my plan to get off all the medication as possible. No, I'm very pleased with my success. Like the saying goes…it's all a matter of perspective. To me it seems like I'm taking nothing, but then when I think about my husband who really isn't on any prescription medication at all…I know I'm still taking a lot. Even so, he too realizes that I've come a long way and he is very proud of the little that I'm still on.

 How am I doing exactly? I have gone from needing thirty plus pills per day plus a weekly shot of interferon to taking three and half pills per night. The last few pills I feel confident that I can definitely relinquish once my husband is back from his current deployment. I'm hoping that I can stop taking them even before then, but since I take two pills of Cymbalta for depression and pain related to depression and one clonazepam pill nightly for anxiety; I'm not sure during a deployment is the best time for me to get off all medications of this type. I am proud that I have already cut the clonazepam from three pills daily to the one nightly. Already, I am making an improvement in my emotional well being or even this would seem impossible. For different reasons the holiday season, that should be a time of celebration, tends to be one that is stressful and depressing for many. With that thought, I will probably stay at the level of medication I'm currently on until after the New Year's.

 If I can maintain my health (although I'm hoping for improvement) without the medications that I have already taken myself off of, I will be making a huge difference in the overall effect of my life in the long term. A few of the medications have been known to cause problems with the heart, liver, and kidneys. It is required for me to have blood test semi-annually to monitor my liver due to these medications. My interferon (that until recently I had been taking for five years) among other warnings has the risk of hepatitis because the serem is made from donated blood. It appears that, although they try, it is impossible to be 100% certain that there isn't any hepatitis in the blood being used. This never really sat right with me. There was always that looming concern of…what if? What if the blood made to make this shot that I'm injecting into myself today is tainted? By no longer taking the interferon, I am saving tax dollars of over $900.00 per month. I am extremely fortunate that as a military spouse, my medical needs are met. However, I feel pride in knowing that not only am I saving my life by getting off of so many medications but I'm also making a small dent in tax money that is being spent.

Two of the bags that I have referred to as my personal pharmacy…glad to say these days are behind me.