Sometimes Our Blessings Are Packaged Differently Than We Expect

Before I had my first symptoms of pain, weakness, and disabling fatigue; I was fortunate to be living in a body that I loved, a body that I was proud to have. I was five foot nine with the measurements of 36-26-38 (in my book…perfect). I didn't understand how people allowed themselves to become overweight. I thought of them as weak and not caring enough about themselves. I knew I would never allow myself to be overweight. I loved working out. If I noticed my clothes feeling a little tight then I would curb out all sweets, be cautious of fats, and mainly be on a liquid diet for a couple days. I was fortunate in that would be all it would take until my clothes were fitting properly again.

This all began to change in 1995 as I suddenly gained thirty pounds in one month. Being concerned that I was still exercising regularly and hadn't changed any of my eating habits, I made a doctor's appointment. Immediately upon looking at my charts I was scolded for gaining so much weight since my last visit. I informed my doctor that was why I was there; I too was concerned about the drastic weight gain that came about so quickly. He immediately decided I was depressed and that was why I was gaining weight.

I said, "No, I'm not gaining weight because I'm depressed. But I AM depressed because I'm gaining weight!" Unfortunately, I wasn't able to convince my doctor other wise.

From there my health began to deteriorate and I soon went from doctor to doctor trying to figure out:

• Why, as someone who worked out regurlarly and was a certified aerobics instructor, had I gained so much weight?
  
• Why had I become so weak that somedays my purse would feel too heavy to lift?
  
• Why even after sleeping well all night was I constantly feeling like I needed more sleep?
  

By early '96 I had already gained around fifty pounds and had gone up a few sizes in clothes. Something in the past that only occurred because I was growing, not because of weight gain. I was really embarrassed by it all. My students, not meaning to be mean, but knowing I was newly married would comment repeatedly that I was pregnant. Now I WAS DEPRESSED!!!

In February of 1996, I saw a specialist that diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and suggested I take medical leave for my chronic fatigue. Along with this new specialist came many prescriptions. I can't remember what all he had me taking, but I do remember having a difficult time swallowing the many pills he had me on each day, some being quite large (what I refer to as horse pills). The one medication, that I do remember being prescribed was steroids. This was my first encounter with the prescription that would have a profound effect on my life.

Through the years I have lost count of how many times I have been on steroids. Each time I have been on them, I have gained thirty to forty pounds with the inability to get them back off. The steroids would leave me in a sour mood. I couldn't even stand to be around myself. How my husband put up with me during my times of taking steroids, I don't know. I'm just thankful he did.

I would get so hot that it seemed impossible to be able to cool down. I carried instant cold packs around with me. I have them in the console of my car. I would carry one with me in my school bag. I would keep ice packs in the refrigerator of my classroom, as well as in my home, and in a cooler on long trips.

Steroids can cause someone that isn't a diabetic to have blood sugar problems similar to gestational diabetes. I started craving more and more sweets. Along with the craving for sweets became hunger that never seemed to go away.I would wake up in the middle of the night starving. The starving itslef would wake me! It wasn't like I woke up to go the bathroom and thought, "Hmm… I think I might get me a couple crackers before returning to bed". No! The hunger, hunger so extreme that I thought I would be sick if I didn't have something to eat immediately, would wake me. My body wanted more food than I was able to burn off.

Unfortunately, the side effects of steroids don't go away when a person stops taking them. I've heard others comment that the side effects they had from steroids lasted anywhere from months to years. I know for me, I haven't had any steroids in two years but only recently have I been able to tell that the ill effects of me taking them have dissipated. My blood sugar and blood pressure are no longer a problem.

How has me gaining 200 pounds (at my highest weight) been a blessing? I am sympathetic to others who are overweight. I now realize how difficult it is to lose weight. I realize that even if they aren't on medications that are making them swell to the point that they look like a blowfish (steroids), being overweight is difficult to live with. Deciding to not have something sweet and/or fatty to eat isn't as easy as saying no. It becomes an addiction that feels like it must be fulfilled. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Yesterday’s Worries Can Be Today’s Blessings

Yesterday and through out the night, I had been concerned with how I was going to be able to stomach the taste of liver broth. No longer is this an issue. No longer am I fretting over swalling the soup. I am now looking forward to finding a place that sells liver. Obviously my taste buds couldn't have changed in a matter of hours. No, instead my perspective has changed.

My doctor of traditional Chinese medicine noticed yesterday that I have a loss of pigment on my neck. Also, I had recently discussed with her my concern that my hair is losing its natural color at a much faster rate. I realize that I will get more grays as time goes on, but suddenly the grays have been mulitiplying at an avalanche pace. Having what I had told her about my hair (she isn't able to see the amount of gray I have because I try to keep them covered with coloring) and her visual observation about my skin, Dr. Liang told me that I wasn't getting enough copper and as mentioned in my previous post went on to tell me that I needed to drink liver and black bean soup.

Being a home economist I realize that any nutrient can be found in more than once source. I, also, know that the amount of the nutrient will vary in each source. I was pleased to find that there are several sources of copper, the nutrient that I have a deficiency in and thus need to add to my diet. Therefore, I began to research what sources contained copper. I wanted to find a more appealing way to get my source of copper. Although, I have found supplements for copper, nutrients are best absorbed by our bodies when we consume it through our diet. The fastest way for our bodies to absorb any nutrient is in liquid form; hence, the reasoning that Dr. Liang probably suggested that I cook the liver and beans to make a soup that I could drink.

While researching sources of copper, I was amazed to read that different ways that a copper deficiency can affect my health. One of the most appealing sources of copper is chocolate. One doctor, Dr. Wilson whose link I have attached to the bottom, theorized that a copper deficiency might be a reason for chocolate cravings. It definitely makes sense in my case, because I have been craving chocolate more and more lately. Copper can cause reproductive problems. Another ah ha moment, my husband and I have been married over fourteen years and still don't have children. I have suffered with painful ovarian cysts, sometimes having multiples at one time. Once I had two rupture the same day. I remember thinking as I suffered through that pain, that I couldn't ever imagine being strong enough to endure the pain that must come with childbirth. A lack of copper can cause depression; again something that I battle. Already, I can see that needing copper is more than me just having white spots from a loss of pigment. It is obvious that I need to add this to my diet. Then I came across what is the most exciting need for copper in our bodies…at least for me this is very exciting, because this may make a monumental difference in my life.

Our bodies need copper to repair myelin. Myelin is the fatty tissue that protects our nerve fibers. When myelin is damaged our nerves are exposed like wires that have lost their insulation from a severed cord. Once myelin is destroyed our nerves have a difficult time conducting properly…similar to a short caused by a wire being damaged. Myelin damage occurs during an MS attack. The ability for my body to repair myelin is crucial in the success of me winning the battle of multiple sclerosis. Liver is suddenly sounding delish!!!

Sources of copper (not any in certain order):

• enriched cereals such as Raisin Bran
  
• oysters
  
• clams
  
• cashews
  
• whole grain
  
• beans
  
• kidneys
  
• beef liver
  
• heart
  
• lobster
  
• scallops
  
• chocolate
  
• seeds
  
• drinking water from copper pipes (can cause a toxicity)
  
• cooking in copper cookware (also could cause a toxicity)
  

I'm attaching a link to a page that I found full of information about the importance of having the correct amount of copper in our bodies. http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/copper_toxicity_syndrome.htm

Facebook a part of the healing process

I'm so thankful that my cousin, Tonya, first asked me to join facebook. I can't imagine not having the connections that it has allowed me to rekindle after years of not seeing friends, students, and other loved ones. I love that no matter how far apart I am from my friends, facebook takes the many miles away.

Living with multiple sclerosis, sleep apnea, and fibromyalgia I suffer from severe fatigue...fatigue that cannot be imagined. Only those that suffer from MS, do I think really comprehend the fatigue and maybe some very intuned care givers like my husband. He seems to totally get just how difficult it is on me…not just physically and mentally, but emotionally as well. It embarasses me not to be able to plan because I don't know if I'm going to have the energy to do something next week or even later today. Sometimes, I just push myself on through because I hate disappointing others and I love spending time with people. But I end up paying for it afterwards with severe pain, fatigue that keeps me knocked out for days, and other heightened symptoms like double and blurry vision.

That's where facebook comes in…with my laptop, wireless internet, and facebook; I can communicate with my friends when I feel up to it. And communicating with them lifts my spirits. I don't think a day has gone by in the past few months that I haven't been able to enjoy a great laugh because of something that one of my friends has said. If you are like me and may go a week or more before you step out of your house because you just don't have the strength to get dressed and leave; I encourage you to try facebook or some other networking website to reconnect with people that mean a lot to you but you may not feel like seeing in person.

The Importance of Correct Footwear

Early on, even before I knew something was wrong...before the profound weight gain...my feet would often ache at night; a side effect of teaching all day on linoleum floors. But now, I had to plan my shoes for work. No longer was the pain limited to my feet at night. I was beginning to feel pain radiate from my heels all the way up to my hips. I began carefully selecting shoes that would help absorb the shock of each step.

During one of my professional development days for a new school system, I hadn't walked far when my legs and feet began to ache. I made a mental note to myself...definitely need to buy some more shoes before school begins. These shoes had obviously had their day, losing all comfort and support. Through out the professional development meeting, I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I needed to buy some more shoes. After all, my feet were in pain. My new shoes would need provide comfort while walking around the classroom and standing on the hard floors. Multiple sclerosis has made shoes, the most imporant part of my career wardrobe.

Three hours after walking into the doors of the school where the professional development was occurring, I looked down at my feet while we were breaking between workshops. My shoes were on the wrong feet! They had been that way all morning! Before going to my next workshop, I swapped my shoes around. Walking to the next room, I felt like I was wearing new shoes. Funny how your stride is so much more pleasant when your shoes are on the correct feet!

Planning the Escape

This blog will hopefully be an inspiration to others to escape a prison that they may feel they too are in due to their health; whether it be physical, emotional, or mental. Writing has always helped me to learn more about myself...allowing me to take a step back to really analyze what is going on in my life. I no longer want to feel as though my only option in life is to take medicine for my symptoms of multiple sclerosis and other afflictions. There has to be more that I can do to help me. Not being a health professional or scientist, these posts are meant for encouragement not medical advice. However, as you follow me through my journey to freedom, I hope you are encouraged to live your life free from health restraints. I no longer want my fatigue, pain, or being ill to dictate my schedule.


When I first heard about MS, I didn't know anything about the disease. I devoured books, internet sites, and journals trying to find out as much as I could. I wanted to know more about the symptoms...know what to expect. Therefore, I will write about symptoms...not sure how often or how much I will say about them at this time. Don't want the symptoms to take over the excitement of the escape. Yet, I want to be realistic for others who are like me...who are looking for a true source that lets them honestly know what to expect. Finding the right balance will occur as my blog develops.