Sometimes Our Blessings Are Packaged Differently Than We Expect

Before I had my first symptoms of pain, weakness, and disabling fatigue; I was fortunate to be living in a body that I loved, a body that I was proud to have. I was five foot nine with the measurements of 36-26-38 (in my book…perfect). I didn't understand how people allowed themselves to become overweight. I thought of them as weak and not caring enough about themselves. I knew I would never allow myself to be overweight. I loved working out. If I noticed my clothes feeling a little tight then I would curb out all sweets, be cautious of fats, and mainly be on a liquid diet for a couple days. I was fortunate in that would be all it would take until my clothes were fitting properly again.

This all began to change in 1995 as I suddenly gained thirty pounds in one month. Being concerned that I was still exercising regularly and hadn't changed any of my eating habits, I made a doctor's appointment. Immediately upon looking at my charts I was scolded for gaining so much weight since my last visit. I informed my doctor that was why I was there; I too was concerned about the drastic weight gain that came about so quickly. He immediately decided I was depressed and that was why I was gaining weight.

I said, "No, I'm not gaining weight because I'm depressed. But I AM depressed because I'm gaining weight!" Unfortunately, I wasn't able to convince my doctor other wise.

From there my health began to deteriorate and I soon went from doctor to doctor trying to figure out:

• Why, as someone who worked out regurlarly and was a certified aerobics instructor, had I gained so much weight?
  
• Why had I become so weak that somedays my purse would feel too heavy to lift?
  
• Why even after sleeping well all night was I constantly feeling like I needed more sleep?
  

By early '96 I had already gained around fifty pounds and had gone up a few sizes in clothes. Something in the past that only occurred because I was growing, not because of weight gain. I was really embarrassed by it all. My students, not meaning to be mean, but knowing I was newly married would comment repeatedly that I was pregnant. Now I WAS DEPRESSED!!!

In February of 1996, I saw a specialist that diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and suggested I take medical leave for my chronic fatigue. Along with this new specialist came many prescriptions. I can't remember what all he had me taking, but I do remember having a difficult time swallowing the many pills he had me on each day, some being quite large (what I refer to as horse pills). The one medication, that I do remember being prescribed was steroids. This was my first encounter with the prescription that would have a profound effect on my life.

Through the years I have lost count of how many times I have been on steroids. Each time I have been on them, I have gained thirty to forty pounds with the inability to get them back off. The steroids would leave me in a sour mood. I couldn't even stand to be around myself. How my husband put up with me during my times of taking steroids, I don't know. I'm just thankful he did.

I would get so hot that it seemed impossible to be able to cool down. I carried instant cold packs around with me. I have them in the console of my car. I would carry one with me in my school bag. I would keep ice packs in the refrigerator of my classroom, as well as in my home, and in a cooler on long trips.

Steroids can cause someone that isn't a diabetic to have blood sugar problems similar to gestational diabetes. I started craving more and more sweets. Along with the craving for sweets became hunger that never seemed to go away.I would wake up in the middle of the night starving. The starving itslef would wake me! It wasn't like I woke up to go the bathroom and thought, "Hmm… I think I might get me a couple crackers before returning to bed". No! The hunger, hunger so extreme that I thought I would be sick if I didn't have something to eat immediately, would wake me. My body wanted more food than I was able to burn off.

Unfortunately, the side effects of steroids don't go away when a person stops taking them. I've heard others comment that the side effects they had from steroids lasted anywhere from months to years. I know for me, I haven't had any steroids in two years but only recently have I been able to tell that the ill effects of me taking them have dissipated. My blood sugar and blood pressure are no longer a problem.

How has me gaining 200 pounds (at my highest weight) been a blessing? I am sympathetic to others who are overweight. I now realize how difficult it is to lose weight. I realize that even if they aren't on medications that are making them swell to the point that they look like a blowfish (steroids), being overweight is difficult to live with. Deciding to not have something sweet and/or fatty to eat isn't as easy as saying no. It becomes an addiction that feels like it must be fulfilled. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Cane Free

The summer before last, my mother called to tell me that she read about these new flip flops that actors and actresses were wearing. They were being worn by Hollywood because they added a benefit to everyday walking...they provided a workout by replicating the effects of using a wobble board. The shoes my mother wanted me to give a try? FitFlops

She was especially interested in telling me about them because one of the other advantages of wearing them is reduced pain while walking. By the time she had called to tell me this, I needed my cane continously. At first the cane, not only helped me to keep my balance while walking, it also helped me not to be in as much pain. This was no longer the case. The pain had become so intense, that I would be sweating and red in the face after walking or standing within five minutes. On field trips with students, I began using a wheel chair. My trips out to purchase anything had been halted to non-existent. I was depending on my husband more and more, something I didn't want to have to do. He was already doing so much for me.

The year before, I had gone to a podiatrist after a rheumatologist noticed during an exam that I had extremely high arches. I began getting my hopes up when my new specialist went over my test results. I had periphal neuropathy in both feet. He thought a pair of orthotics might make a difference in the pain that radiated from my back down to my feet. He was also hopeful that wearing the prescribed orthotics would bring me relief in my lower body numbness and tingling sensations. Then I asked how much.. $400…four hundred dollars that my insurance would not cover. I hated to see us put so much money to insoles that I wasn't even sure would work for me. Yet, I hated to ignore what a specialist was telling me that I needed. What if the orthotics could relieve some of the pain? Could I afford not to wear them???


My husband, who is always extremely determined when it comes to my health or getting me something, began to investigate. He found a website that carried custom ordered orthotics for $99. Immediately, he ordered the orthotic kit. When the kit arrived, I carefully placed each foot into the molding and returned the moldings in the prepaid box. The moldings were used to make orthotics custom fit to my arches. Once the orthotics were in, I was anxious to put them in my shoes and give them a try. For the past decade I had already tried gel, padded, and magnetic inserts. All gave some relief, but none of them were enough to help the pain that I would now endure while on my feet.


The orthotics brought needed relief. I WAS more comfotable. I was elated...I could buy groceries again, enjoy shopping, walk the streets of Colonial Williamsburg (a favorite that I loved doing at the time, but couldn't). Maybe, I could begin hiking again? Something we hadn't done in over a year. I was still using my cane but walking with less pain. After a few minutes (longer than five minutes or less before), I was having intense pain again. The pain in my back was excruciating.


I continued wearing my orthotics, not wanting to cause anymore damage to the nerves in my feet. I would sleep with high quality magnetic shoe inserts inside my socks at night (still do) to help relieve restless leg (more like restless body) syndrome and pain. I hadn't been able to stop using the cane. I continued to need a wheelchair if I needed to walk much distance.


I had also worked with three different physical therapists by the time I got my mother's call. I usually found myself in more pain from the sessions due to their lack of knowledge about spasicity. A pair of flip flops to relieve back pain after all I had already tried???


I am so thankful that my mother told me about something that sounded too good to be true. A year after purchasing my first pair of FitFlops, I am still cane free and have lost sixty-five pounds and four clothing sizes. Being able to get around more freely has definitely helped with the weight loss but so has the wobble board effect that the FitFlops have engineered in them. Look for an upcoming post discussing more about the benefits I have seen from wearing FitFlops.

I would love to hear your comments on the following: What have you or a loved one found to help ease back and/or leg pain?