Sometimes Our Blessings Are Packaged Differently Than We Expect

Before I had my first symptoms of pain, weakness, and disabling fatigue; I was fortunate to be living in a body that I loved, a body that I was proud to have. I was five foot nine with the measurements of 36-26-38 (in my book…perfect). I didn't understand how people allowed themselves to become overweight. I thought of them as weak and not caring enough about themselves. I knew I would never allow myself to be overweight. I loved working out. If I noticed my clothes feeling a little tight then I would curb out all sweets, be cautious of fats, and mainly be on a liquid diet for a couple days. I was fortunate in that would be all it would take until my clothes were fitting properly again.

This all began to change in 1995 as I suddenly gained thirty pounds in one month. Being concerned that I was still exercising regularly and hadn't changed any of my eating habits, I made a doctor's appointment. Immediately upon looking at my charts I was scolded for gaining so much weight since my last visit. I informed my doctor that was why I was there; I too was concerned about the drastic weight gain that came about so quickly. He immediately decided I was depressed and that was why I was gaining weight.

I said, "No, I'm not gaining weight because I'm depressed. But I AM depressed because I'm gaining weight!" Unfortunately, I wasn't able to convince my doctor other wise.

From there my health began to deteriorate and I soon went from doctor to doctor trying to figure out:

• Why, as someone who worked out regurlarly and was a certified aerobics instructor, had I gained so much weight?
  
• Why had I become so weak that somedays my purse would feel too heavy to lift?
  
• Why even after sleeping well all night was I constantly feeling like I needed more sleep?
  

By early '96 I had already gained around fifty pounds and had gone up a few sizes in clothes. Something in the past that only occurred because I was growing, not because of weight gain. I was really embarrassed by it all. My students, not meaning to be mean, but knowing I was newly married would comment repeatedly that I was pregnant. Now I WAS DEPRESSED!!!

In February of 1996, I saw a specialist that diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and suggested I take medical leave for my chronic fatigue. Along with this new specialist came many prescriptions. I can't remember what all he had me taking, but I do remember having a difficult time swallowing the many pills he had me on each day, some being quite large (what I refer to as horse pills). The one medication, that I do remember being prescribed was steroids. This was my first encounter with the prescription that would have a profound effect on my life.

Through the years I have lost count of how many times I have been on steroids. Each time I have been on them, I have gained thirty to forty pounds with the inability to get them back off. The steroids would leave me in a sour mood. I couldn't even stand to be around myself. How my husband put up with me during my times of taking steroids, I don't know. I'm just thankful he did.

I would get so hot that it seemed impossible to be able to cool down. I carried instant cold packs around with me. I have them in the console of my car. I would carry one with me in my school bag. I would keep ice packs in the refrigerator of my classroom, as well as in my home, and in a cooler on long trips.

Steroids can cause someone that isn't a diabetic to have blood sugar problems similar to gestational diabetes. I started craving more and more sweets. Along with the craving for sweets became hunger that never seemed to go away.I would wake up in the middle of the night starving. The starving itslef would wake me! It wasn't like I woke up to go the bathroom and thought, "Hmm… I think I might get me a couple crackers before returning to bed". No! The hunger, hunger so extreme that I thought I would be sick if I didn't have something to eat immediately, would wake me. My body wanted more food than I was able to burn off.

Unfortunately, the side effects of steroids don't go away when a person stops taking them. I've heard others comment that the side effects they had from steroids lasted anywhere from months to years. I know for me, I haven't had any steroids in two years but only recently have I been able to tell that the ill effects of me taking them have dissipated. My blood sugar and blood pressure are no longer a problem.

How has me gaining 200 pounds (at my highest weight) been a blessing? I am sympathetic to others who are overweight. I now realize how difficult it is to lose weight. I realize that even if they aren't on medications that are making them swell to the point that they look like a blowfish (steroids), being overweight is difficult to live with. Deciding to not have something sweet and/or fatty to eat isn't as easy as saying no. It becomes an addiction that feels like it must be fulfilled. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Continuing to Reduce the Medications

I hadn't planned to reduce anymore of my medications until after the holiday season, it can be such a stressfull time of year to be making drastic changes, but after much encouragement from many readers and I'm sure prayers too, I have decided to continue the process of dwindling down the amount I'm taking until I'm not taking any at all.

For the past three days I have successfully taken less clonazepam and neurotnin. I am now down to taking only ½ tablet of 0.5 mg of clonazepam per day from 1 tablet of 0.5 mg three times per day that I was taking in October. I have reduced neurotnin to ½ tablet of 400 mg per day from taking 1 tablet of 400 mg three times per day. I'm glad to report that my pain, numbness, tingling, and burning aren't any more intense than they were while taking 2400 mg of neurotnin daily. I think I'm actually having improvement in all those areas. Since I have a virus that possibly could be the flu, it is hard to tell right now, since pain is synomous with the flu.

As my body has adjusted to less clonazepam I have surprisingly been able to manage my anxiety better than I thought I could, while having a husband deployed. Below are a few variations to my life that are making a powerful difference in my successful reduction of clonazepam:

• many wonderful people praying for me
  
• TCM doctor treating me for these conditions through acupuncture, reflexotherapy, cupping, moxibustion, herbal foot bath, herbs, and ear acupoints. I have tried to get off clonazepam before without any success. With my extreme fatigue, I can't afford to be on a medication that causes such drowsiness. However, in the past when I would reduce the dosage, my nystagmus (jerking of my eyes…that fortunately isn't visible to others but makes me extremely sick with motion sickness and sometimes unable to drive) would flare.
  
• being able to talk with many wonderful friends on facebook, helps to keep my spirits lifted and eases my anxiety
  

I'm looking forward to posting by the beginning of the New Year, that I'm no longer taken any clonazepam or neurotnin. 2009 is turning out to be a good year for me, a good year indeed! J

Yesterday’s Worries Can Be Today’s Blessings

Yesterday and through out the night, I had been concerned with how I was going to be able to stomach the taste of liver broth. No longer is this an issue. No longer am I fretting over swalling the soup. I am now looking forward to finding a place that sells liver. Obviously my taste buds couldn't have changed in a matter of hours. No, instead my perspective has changed.

My doctor of traditional Chinese medicine noticed yesterday that I have a loss of pigment on my neck. Also, I had recently discussed with her my concern that my hair is losing its natural color at a much faster rate. I realize that I will get more grays as time goes on, but suddenly the grays have been mulitiplying at an avalanche pace. Having what I had told her about my hair (she isn't able to see the amount of gray I have because I try to keep them covered with coloring) and her visual observation about my skin, Dr. Liang told me that I wasn't getting enough copper and as mentioned in my previous post went on to tell me that I needed to drink liver and black bean soup.

Being a home economist I realize that any nutrient can be found in more than once source. I, also, know that the amount of the nutrient will vary in each source. I was pleased to find that there are several sources of copper, the nutrient that I have a deficiency in and thus need to add to my diet. Therefore, I began to research what sources contained copper. I wanted to find a more appealing way to get my source of copper. Although, I have found supplements for copper, nutrients are best absorbed by our bodies when we consume it through our diet. The fastest way for our bodies to absorb any nutrient is in liquid form; hence, the reasoning that Dr. Liang probably suggested that I cook the liver and beans to make a soup that I could drink.

While researching sources of copper, I was amazed to read that different ways that a copper deficiency can affect my health. One of the most appealing sources of copper is chocolate. One doctor, Dr. Wilson whose link I have attached to the bottom, theorized that a copper deficiency might be a reason for chocolate cravings. It definitely makes sense in my case, because I have been craving chocolate more and more lately. Copper can cause reproductive problems. Another ah ha moment, my husband and I have been married over fourteen years and still don't have children. I have suffered with painful ovarian cysts, sometimes having multiples at one time. Once I had two rupture the same day. I remember thinking as I suffered through that pain, that I couldn't ever imagine being strong enough to endure the pain that must come with childbirth. A lack of copper can cause depression; again something that I battle. Already, I can see that needing copper is more than me just having white spots from a loss of pigment. It is obvious that I need to add this to my diet. Then I came across what is the most exciting need for copper in our bodies…at least for me this is very exciting, because this may make a monumental difference in my life.

Our bodies need copper to repair myelin. Myelin is the fatty tissue that protects our nerve fibers. When myelin is damaged our nerves are exposed like wires that have lost their insulation from a severed cord. Once myelin is destroyed our nerves have a difficult time conducting properly…similar to a short caused by a wire being damaged. Myelin damage occurs during an MS attack. The ability for my body to repair myelin is crucial in the success of me winning the battle of multiple sclerosis. Liver is suddenly sounding delish!!!

Sources of copper (not any in certain order):

• enriched cereals such as Raisin Bran
  
• oysters
  
• clams
  
• cashews
  
• whole grain
  
• beans
  
• kidneys
  
• beef liver
  
• heart
  
• lobster
  
• scallops
  
• chocolate
  
• seeds
  
• drinking water from copper pipes (can cause a toxicity)
  
• cooking in copper cookware (also could cause a toxicity)
  

I'm attaching a link to a page that I found full of information about the importance of having the correct amount of copper in our bodies. http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/copper_toxicity_syndrome.htm

Thinking the French and I Have Acquired Different Tastes

I'm guessing that the French's taste in food and mine aren't quite the same...not the same at all! Upon pondering how I was going to make liver have a decent enough flavor so that I would be able to drink its broth; I remembered that my french cookbook, Le Creuset's French Country Kitchen, had some liver recipes in it. Note from the authors, "Calf's liver should always be cooked very simply so that its delicate flavor is not overwhelmed." Oh, I want it to be overwhelmed!!! I want its flavor to be demolished!!

I so badly want to get well and I think a lot of my doctor of traditional Chinese medicine. So when she says that the reason I'm beginning to have patches of skin that are loosing pigment is because my hormones are off balance and I need some copper in my diet, I believe she knows what she is talking about. However, the thought of eating copper itself sounds more appealing to me than her suggestion on how I should go about adding it to my diet. I'm supposed to make a broth from a calf's liver and black beans. I told her, "Dr. Liang, but I can't stand the taste of liver."

She says, "No problem! You don't have to eat the liver, just drink the soup." Yeah, like that is going to make a lot of difference. I'm thinking it is still going to be awful. The thought of having to drink something that I detest as much as liver, is nauseating.

Fortunately, the authors along with friends of mine have given me ideas on how best to disguise the liver's "delicate" taste. I'm going to add the following to my soup and pray that the pungent smell of liver and taste disappear:

• calf's liver
  
• water
  
• black beans
  
• salt and pepper to taste
  
• 2 T butter
  
• 1 T olive oil
  
• sauteed mushrooms
  
• carmelized onions
  
• 1 garlic clove crushed and sauteed
  
• 2 T. parsley
  
• 2 T. chopped fresh chives
  
• 1 to 2 T. lemon juice
  

If I get brave enough to make it and I actually drink the soup, I will add a post about my success of being able to make the soup palatable and any changes I made to the final recipe.

I would love to hear your comments on the following: Have you ever had a soup made from liver stock or that has liver in it?

Dr. Liang, My Acupuncturist and Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine

I'm tickled that through the success I have been having with my acupuncture treatments and other forms of traditional Chinese medicine; I have had a few friends ask me about my doctor. I am so pleased with my results that I wanted to add her website to my blog so that others can find out more about her and if in the Montgomery area, maybe even have a treatment. I have had every treatment she offers and have been very pleased with my results. I don't think I would have been able to take such drastic measures in the reduction of my medications if I wasn't having these treatments.

Of course, I'm not telling anyone to get off prescribed meds. I CAN'T DO THIS!!! I wouldn't want to harm anyone in anyway. I also cannot tell how these treatments will work for someone else. I can just say how they have worked for me. I know that that the Lord sent me to Dr. Liang and I'm forever grateful for this answered prayer.

Dr. Liang's Clinic of Chinese Medicine & Acupuncture

Dr. Liang is a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine not an M.D. as we know doctors in our Western culture.

Facebook a part of the healing process

I'm so thankful that my cousin, Tonya, first asked me to join facebook. I can't imagine not having the connections that it has allowed me to rekindle after years of not seeing friends, students, and other loved ones. I love that no matter how far apart I am from my friends, facebook takes the many miles away.

Living with multiple sclerosis, sleep apnea, and fibromyalgia I suffer from severe fatigue...fatigue that cannot be imagined. Only those that suffer from MS, do I think really comprehend the fatigue and maybe some very intuned care givers like my husband. He seems to totally get just how difficult it is on me…not just physically and mentally, but emotionally as well. It embarasses me not to be able to plan because I don't know if I'm going to have the energy to do something next week or even later today. Sometimes, I just push myself on through because I hate disappointing others and I love spending time with people. But I end up paying for it afterwards with severe pain, fatigue that keeps me knocked out for days, and other heightened symptoms like double and blurry vision.

That's where facebook comes in…with my laptop, wireless internet, and facebook; I can communicate with my friends when I feel up to it. And communicating with them lifts my spirits. I don't think a day has gone by in the past few months that I haven't been able to enjoy a great laugh because of something that one of my friends has said. If you are like me and may go a week or more before you step out of your house because you just don't have the strength to get dressed and leave; I encourage you to try facebook or some other networking website to reconnect with people that mean a lot to you but you may not feel like seeing in person.

Saving My Life and Tax Dollars Too

It's hard to believe that I'm still using as much medication as I am each day…not that I'm not succeeding with my plan to get off all the medication as possible. No, I'm very pleased with my success. Like the saying goes…it's all a matter of perspective. To me it seems like I'm taking nothing, but then when I think about my husband who really isn't on any prescription medication at all…I know I'm still taking a lot. Even so, he too realizes that I've come a long way and he is very proud of the little that I'm still on.

 How am I doing exactly? I have gone from needing thirty plus pills per day plus a weekly shot of interferon to taking three and half pills per night. The last few pills I feel confident that I can definitely relinquish once my husband is back from his current deployment. I'm hoping that I can stop taking them even before then, but since I take two pills of Cymbalta for depression and pain related to depression and one clonazepam pill nightly for anxiety; I'm not sure during a deployment is the best time for me to get off all medications of this type. I am proud that I have already cut the clonazepam from three pills daily to the one nightly. Already, I am making an improvement in my emotional well being or even this would seem impossible. For different reasons the holiday season, that should be a time of celebration, tends to be one that is stressful and depressing for many. With that thought, I will probably stay at the level of medication I'm currently on until after the New Year's.

 If I can maintain my health (although I'm hoping for improvement) without the medications that I have already taken myself off of, I will be making a huge difference in the overall effect of my life in the long term. A few of the medications have been known to cause problems with the heart, liver, and kidneys. It is required for me to have blood test semi-annually to monitor my liver due to these medications. My interferon (that until recently I had been taking for five years) among other warnings has the risk of hepatitis because the serem is made from donated blood. It appears that, although they try, it is impossible to be 100% certain that there isn't any hepatitis in the blood being used. This never really sat right with me. There was always that looming concern of…what if? What if the blood made to make this shot that I'm injecting into myself today is tainted? By no longer taking the interferon, I am saving tax dollars of over $900.00 per month. I am extremely fortunate that as a military spouse, my medical needs are met. However, I feel pride in knowing that not only am I saving my life by getting off of so many medications but I'm also making a small dent in tax money that is being spent.

Two of the bags that I have referred to as my personal pharmacy…glad to say these days are behind me.